Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to talk about it... but there doesn't seem to be anyone there to listen?  Then again, those people that are willing to listen, and even WANT to listen, aren't the right people.  Does that make sense?

I have a lot I wish I could talk about.  It's all very personal and my heart is sad... it's not something I want to broadcast out on the internet in detail, but then again, the person I want to talk to is closed.  This must be why some broads keep diaries/journals.

The following letter is one from my sister-in-law (Tyson, referenced int the letter, is my brother and Taydom is my nephew)... please take a moment to consider a small donation to support autism research.

Hi, my name is Ann. I am the second daughter of Kent and Kathy, wife of Tyson and mother of Taydom and Vilate. Our son Taydom, has Autism. Autism affects our son and our family in everything we do, every hour, minute and second of the day.

Autism affects more children than many other illnesses. There is no cure for Autism and very little is known about how it can be treated. The number of children being diagnosed with Autism is rapidly increasing. Today, 1 out of 166 children are being diagnosed with autism, making it more common than pediatric cancer, diabetes, and AIDS combined. That is 1 out of 4 boys and 1 out of 12 girls. Autism is quickly becoming a national epidemic; however it receives the least amount of government funding for research. If we do not do something soon one fourth of our rising male population will be unable to function as normal adults.

I am participating in a fund raiser for Autism Research. This October 1, 2006 is Denver, Colorado’s Walk for Autism Research. “AutismSpeaks.org” and the “National Alliance for Autism Research” has teamed together to host this fundraising event. This is the nation's largest walk program dedicated to autism research. Since its inception in May 2000, approximately 171,000 people have participated in Walk for Autism Research and collectively 65 events have raised over $18.3 million for Autism research.

AutismSpeaks.org is an education and fund raising organization. You may have seen Autism Speaks on the TV show “The Apprentice” with Donald Trump. They also work with government officials to educate and encouraged government funding for research. You may have seen the most recent educational campaign on the side on the Kellogg’s Rice Krispies cereal box. In New York Autism Speaks also helped organized a celebrity golf challenge that raised over $1.8M for research.

I have set a goal to raise $1000.00 for Autism research, and I need your help. Will you please sponsor me in the Colorado’s Walk for Autism Research, and donate? Any donation would help!

All donations are tax deductible. To make donations please click here, go to my personal Autism Speaks web page, or to www.autismwalk.org/denver then click on “Sponsor a Walker”. They accept all major credit cards; you can look me up by my team name (Team Taydom). If you would like, you can send me a check, and I’ll turn it in the day of the walk. If you chose to send me a check, please contact Leah and she will get you the mailing information.

I am also looking for people to join my team in fundraising. You do not have to participate in the walk or live in the Denver area. There is no cost to join my team. I would ask you to set a goal and write letters to friends and family.

Please visit www.autismspeaks.org to learn more about autism and the early warning signs.

Thank you for you care and support.

Tomorrow is Itty's second birthday.  Can you believe it?  My itty bitty baby girl is going to be TWO years old.  She's so not a baby anymore... she's SUCH a big girl.  I thought I'd be sad about that, but to be honest, each day is more fun that the previous.  I know, I'm corny and mushy and glorify motherhood... but quite honestly I can't help it when I have a perfect child   So, I declare this post an ode to my Itty.

So, last night we were playing in the living room... Husband and I were on the floor laying down and Itty was using us as her jungle gym (she's quite the little acrobat).  She stands up next to Husband, and puts her foot on his belly and go's *tickle tickle tickle* then body slams him.  It was awesome!  I laughed so hard I nearly puked.  Anyway, Husband turns to her and says, "Hey!  What about Mama?"  My daughter, the genius, looks at Husband and very matter of factly says to him, "No tickle Mama.  Be gentle.  Baby's in belly."

As much as I cannot stand the Wiggles, Itty LOVES them.  It's one of the few programs we let her watch on TV.  The only reason we let her watch it... she's not sitting on her bum staring at the stupid boob tube the whole time.  No, my baby can dance.  We have to clear out the entire living room of all her toys before it comes on, so she can bounce around the room and do the little dances.  It's most fun when it's a song she knows the actual dance to.  It's hilarious to watch her.

She's strong enough to spin herself on the sit-n-spin we got her for Christmas last year.  She knows exactly where the switch is to turn the music on too... I'm not kidding, I think this thing is playing the theme from TigerHeli.

Have I mentioned how girly-girl she is?  I mean, yeah, she loves to play with her trucks and matchbox cars, but when it comes down to it... my Itty Bitty loves to be done up.  She loves to get new shoes, to have her finger/toenails polished, her hair done up, and wearing skirts/dresses - especially if any of the aforementioned items are pink.  One of her birthday presents for birthday week was getting her ears pierced.  She loves it because her ears sparkle (that's my girl! )

I think my favorite thing, as of late, is when she sings with me.  She's long since been too big for us to rock her at night, so instead, she lays on my shoulder and we sing songs.  Her favorite is the Itty Bitty Spider (in our house, it's Itty Bitty, not itsy bitsy).  She'll also sing Jesus Loves Me, the ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Rise & Shine... though our special song that we sing RIGHT before getting into bed is You Are My Sunshine.  When she's ready to sleep she asks that we sing that one... then she asks to go lay on her big girl pillow.

We're leaving for Kentucky here in a couple of hours.  My brother-in-law is getting married and Itty will be the flower girl.  I'll try to post some pictures of her when we return.  It's been a while since I've done that.

Hopefully, all of you out there that want kiddo's of your own will be blessed with one as amazing as mine some day

Those of you that have been with me for the long haul (and I love ya!) probably remember this from my pregnancy with the Itty.  I hate being pregnant.  I hate being emotional.  I hate the cravings.  I hate getting fat and uncomfortable.  This time, however, I hate it even more.  A couple of things that I'm experiencing this time that I don't remember going through the first time:

Weak stomach:  WTF?  I'll be listening to the radio, and they'll just TALK about something disgusting, and I'll have to pull over because I start gagging and heaving and have come close, on at least one occasion, to actually puking.  Just from HEARING about something gross.  This, is very annoying.  Don't even get me started on gross movies.  I was flipping through the channels a few weeks back, and saw that "American Pie Presents Band Camp" was on TBS or some other cable channel and I'd never heard of it... so decided to watch it (not really worth it, but that's beside the point).  There's this one scene where they take the spit valves out of all the horns and dump the spit into a can and this kid drinks it.  I'm sorry, but I lost my cookies on that one.  Normally that wouldn't bother me, but being pregnant, it took me over the edge.

Sweat: I sweat!  At least the deodorant part of my antiperspirant and deodorant still works, but the antiperspirant part... it's gone belly up.  It's just gross.  I can't even stand it all cold and wet *gag*

Anger: I seem to be mad all the time.  About everything.  I'm trying not to take it out on people but little things, little oversights, really REALLY piss me off.  Unfortunately, no one is safe from this one.  I'd go into more details with examples and such, but just thinking about it is pissing me off.

So those are the major things.  Don't get me wrong, I ADORE my Itty, and I'm sure I'll adore this one as well, but the whole gestation process, not so much.

Apparently I've been given the freedom to choose precisely that.  This morning I came into the office, booted up my computer and started going through the umpteen million emails I received since leaving the office yesterday evening.  One of said emails was from BossMan who, says this:

"...start a word doc and start jotting down notes in whatever manner so we can begin to formulate ideas – and consider what you want to do longer term, where you are comfortable working / doing and any aspirations you might have."

That was followed by a partial list of responsibilities that are going to eventually be divied up between myself and #? other people.  Rock on, I get to choose exactly what I want to do when I grow up!  That's pretty cool.

I also talked to him about my maternity leave today.  I was pretty straight with him and told him that I knew we were going to try and get pregnant this year, and that I had initially intended not to return.  It would be very tough financially, but I have the confidence that we could do it.  NOW, however, given the respect and trust he's put into me already, I'm not ready to walk away from the work force just yet.  I want to see what exactly I can accomplish now that I'm given the opportunity and support; something I was never afforded at the old job where, if you recall, I was "just an admin."

He was pretty open to all of my ranting and raving.  I explained to him how at my previous place of employment, I took the entire 16 weeks that the FMLA allowed in DC and didn't feel an ounce of remorse for leaving them high and dry (with an incompetent temp in my place).  Here, however, I have too much respect for him to feel comfortable doing that.  I offered to come back after only 8 weeks if he'd consider letting me return part time for a while.  While a similar suggestion was all but laughed at at old job, his words were (and I quote) "Absolutely we can do that if you want.  Let's feel it out though, you may change your mind later and we've got plenty of time to come up with something.  We'll work it out."

I'm waiting for the bottom to fall out of this job.  It has been 8 months and, quite frankly, It seems as though it is too good to be true.

Itty's gonna be a big sister in early January... woot!

She's gotta go.  If they don't fire her now then I'm going to have a freakin' breakdown.  30% of my time is spent fixing f*** up's that Tempie has made... and she wonders why they haven't offered her the job yet!!!  She takes absolutely no responsibility for her own mistakes, and insists that BossMan is just out to get her because he doesn't like her.  That is such BS.  He's out to get her because she keeps screwing things up!  I'd love to elaborate, but it concerns confidential info re: company finances.  Seriously though, between Friday and this morning, she's made more mistakes that have had to be "cleaned up" than I thought was humanly possible for a person that only works 5 hours a day.

Arugh.

New entry (*gasp* I know, but let me know if you don't have access to it because it's been ages since I've posted a protected post)

I love my boss, I love what I do, I love the constant flow of work and the amount of trust and responsibility placed on my head.

Right now I'm working on 3 separate projects, all with deadlines right on top of each other.  Each one is just as important as the next and I am responsible for getting all the forms filled out, signed, filed and, when appropriate, holding the staff meeting to inform them of the happenings going on.  It is extremely overwhelming... but at the same time it's a huge adrenaline rush.

I sat down yesterday afternoon to make a list of everything I need to get done this week because It was all raining down on me at once, and I filled 1 page (1 column, 8-1/2x11 college ruled paper) with all the crap to be done.  After making the list my first thought was, "I want to go home.  There's no way I can do all this!"  Today, I've checked off 2/3 of the list as either done, or as done as can be to this point.  It's awesome.

That all being said, I have some problem children.

Let's take Holier Than Thou (HTT); he's an offsite employee, very VERY high maintenance and justifies all his comments and actions by following up with the fact that he is a very religious man.  He expects me to drop everything for him whenever he feels the need to bother me.  Not only that, but he is one of those individuals that requires explanation after explanation after explanation of EVERYTHING before he finally "gets it."  Now, he wants me to change federal rules and regulations in order to accommodate his vacation schedule.

Not to mention Captain Kangaroo (Captain K); he is another offsite employee... actually off continent and I swear to you he looks just like Captain Kangaroo, without the hat.  He's assured that BossMan and NPM are out to get him.  This being the case, he's always asking me for random information that will somehow show that BossMan and/or NPM are not taking the company's best interests to heart in some of their business decisions.  Case in point, just recently he asked about our conference calling plan.  He just KNOWS that we're wasting money on it and tries to get me to verify this behind BossMan's back.  Thing is, I learned at my last job, I CC BossMan on EVERYTHING.  This ticks Captain K off to no extent... he's actually even asked me to stop CCing BossMan.

Then there's Pyle; he's local.  I'd go into the long story of how he's ticked me off on multiple occasions, but (quite frankly) I don't have time.  I'll also say there's a possibility that he could be smart enough to find this blog and if he did, I'm sure he'd know that he's Pyle.  That will have to be a protected post sometime - maybe next week when BossMan is out of town and I have a second to breathe.

Finally, I have a secret.  I think at least one person, other than BossMan, here in the office knows though.  That bothers me.  I'll elaborate more on that later as well.

In other news, Husband is the Sr. guy at work these days, this results in a LOT of travel.  He was gone last week, then he turns around and leaves again Monday for the remainder of the month.  Then he's home for July, but gone for at least 2 weeks in Aug.  It SUCKS.  With all that work AND home responsibility falling on my shoulders, I'm planning some upcoming MeTime.

• First: I'm going to Hershey Spa with Kim next month.  I'm STOKED.  Really, I'm very excited about this.
  
• Second: I'm taking Itty to the mountains in Aug to visit my Momma and my Seta (my Momma's momma).  It'll be 4 generations of daughters... plus 3 of my Momma's aunts and one of her cousins.  That's a LOT of estrogen.

Okay, almost time to go home.  Ciao.