Testing

Pbhttt!

So now, not only is Xanga blocked from work, but so is gmail/hotmail/yahoo/aol and all other personal email sites.  That really does suck.

So today I get a call from BossLady and I'm whining about how I'm being forced to hire an idiot cronie of our President again just because he says I have to do it... and her response is, "Oh good!  If he's bugging you today that means he's not bugging me.  Yea me."  If Itty No. 1 hadn't been sitting here I'd have told her to kiss my ass.

That reminds me though, actually that's a lie, Chun's comment on my last entry reminded me... did I ever tell y'all about the time Itty dropped the F-bomb?  In context.  Yeah, sorry Chun, my little brother beat you to the punch on teaching my kids swear words.

I asked Itty No. 1 to draw a picture of our family because I wanted to personalize a storybook with her pictures, and she drew this picture with a mommy, a daddy and 3 itty's.  I asked her who they all were and she pointed them all out; "This one is me, I'm a princess, this one is you, you're the queen, this one is Daddy, that one is Baby Itty No. 2 and that's my baby brother."   She's been on this kick lately about wanting a brother.  I asked her, "what if God decides not to give you a brother... what if you get another sister?"  She very seriously told me that we'd just have to give her back because we don't need any more girls... then she proceeded to pray and remind God of the fact that we don't need any more girls in our house.

Oh, by the way... husband has decided that we should wait to move to CO until the new DOD facility down the road gets closer to opening.  I'm going to kick him in the teeth.

Itty No. 1

Sometimes the way her brain works amazes (and tickles) me.  For example, we were out and about a couple of weeks ago and she sees a police cruiser with the lights going pulled up behind another vehicle:

Itty: Uh-Oh!  Someone's been speeding.  They're gonna get a speeding ticket!

Me: Oh babe, they were in an accident and the police man is there helping them.

Itty: An accident!!??

Me: Yep

Itty: That is disgusting!  You mean they pee-peed in their car???

On another occasion we were out and she noticed one of those "Smart Cars."

Itty: Daddy look!  It's a baby car on the street... but there's a daddy in it.  That's not nice of him to take his little girl's car to work.

After talking to one of her teachers about the fact that we'll ultimately be moving to Colorado the teacher told her, "Colorado is a little slice of heaven."  Prompting the following conversation:

Itty: Momma, when are we going to Colorado?

Me: I'm not exactly sure baby, but hopefully soon.

Itty: *visibly upset*

Me: What's wrong?

Itty: When we move into our new house in Colorado are we going to die?

Me: WHAT?!  No, no, no baby, why in the world would you think that?

Itty: Because teacher said that Colorado is a little slice of heaven.  I'm not ready to die and go to heaven with Jesus yet Mommy... I want to go to Kindergarten first!

Thursdays

So Thursday's are never normal for me... in any way... though most of the time I work from home.  I usually get so wrapped up in work that it honestly never even occured to me to post to Xanga.  I guess now that I'm a bit disenchanted by the whole workplace thing that my mind isn't focused on my job 100% of the time.  So here I am.

My house, it's not MY house anymore.  We've had painters come in and make everything neutral.  It's amazing how big of a difference that makes.  My dining room used to be blood red above the chair rail and a creamy gold below.  Now the creamy gold has stayed and the top is no longer red... it's a soft pale yellow.  My antique dishes have all been packed up into storage and the booster seat has been packed away too.

The nursery isn't colorful and cheery anymore, it's white.  It doesn't really strike one as an all white room though because of all the colorful baskets on the shelves.  It's still not the same though and just feels like some generic nursery in pottery barn kids.

The only room we didn't take the fun out of was Itty No. 1's.  Her room is "Pineapple Fizz" with a horizontal set of stripes going around the room (two fucia and one "Tigger" orange).  Painting on those mommy wording stripes was painstaking and tedious.  They are, however, perfectly level, perfectly spaced, and perfectly crisp without even a hint of bleedthrough.  That is also the reason they haven't painted over them.  To get a perfect stripe, you have to tape off, paint your base color, let it dry, paint the first coat of your accent color, let it dry and paint a second coat of your accent color.  That's an additional 3 coats of paint... that leaves a tangible edge to the absolutely perfect stripes that you have spent hours with a level and painters tape to get just right.

I do have to admit, it kills me to do all this work for someone else.  We've even decided to invest in getting new siding to try and spur along the whole thing.  I can't believe I'm here dropping another $8K into this house just to throw it on the market in 2 weeks.  Not to mention all the other work we put into it.  We redid our kitchen, replaced the windows, leveled and completely redid the front yard and replaced the entryway door and garage door all just a year and a half ago.

I told Husband, that when we move, we're doing all that mommy word right up front because I'M going to fully enjoy my house before we ever decide to move again (though, I hate moving and never want to move again... but that's another rant).

Colorado

So, IT is on the ball again and Xanga is blocked from work.  I wrote this on the 26th.  Things have moved along since on several fronts, but I need to keep things in order for my own peace of mind:

It’s been a bit of a sore subject for me for the past few months. Husband returned from his TDY and just decided that it was time for us to make the move. We’d tossed the idea around for years, mentioning it here and there, but never with any timeline in mind. It was a difficult pill for me to swallow at first because I don’t feel as though I’m ready. The background:

I’ve always told Husband that I support him 100% in whatever decisions he makes in regards to his career. Whatever he needed to do I would back him up. We moved to his area because he wanted to work for his current employer… it was his life-long dream. Ups & downs, the good and the bad, we’ve survived it all. Now he’s decided that he’s over it. He’s not happy there anymore and he’s not happy here anymore.

In the meantime I’ve worked very hard in my own career. When I was (unwillingly) put back into HR I made the decision to run with it. I took the bull by the horns and embraced my role. I educated myself and even gained my certification… which is not an easy task in and of itself. As I mentioned, I’m now a member of Sr. Management at my job where what I think actually matters. I have a very accommodating employer that allows me to work remotely and gives me the freedom to do what I feel is best for the company with very few questions asked. This year I initiated 5 new programs/projects, 3 of which have been successfully implemented to date, but I’m still working on rolling out the other 2.

You know when you’ve been at a job and you know in your heart when it is time to move on? When you know that you’ve brought everything you can to the position and the challenges just aren’t challenging anymore? Well, I’m not there yet at this job. I’m not “done” here.

I feel as though Husband has made this decision on behalf of our entire family without taking my feelings or thoughts into consideration. I’ve told him this, and he says he understands where I’m coming from but his actions tell a different story; he keeps on with the planning and the preparations for moving.

That’s not my only concern though… the job market out in Colorado isn’t great. I have family there so I hear about it every day from family members that are experiencing the difficulties. Husband seems to think we’ll go out there and find jobs very quickly just because he sees ads posted. He thinks the only reason we haven’t gotten jobs already is because we’re not physically there. The idea of moving my family right now to an area where we have no home and no jobs is terrifying to me. What if it takes us a year to find a job, like it has my brother?

Anyway, this weekend we were visited by two real estate agents who did walk-throughs on the house. The first went very well and I felt comfortable with her… she seemed very down to earth and easy to work with. The second didn’t go so well; she was very pushy and I walked away from that meeting feeling ganged up on and pressured to sell as quickly as possible.

After she left we were all playing outside and Neighbor Lady comes running over and says to me, “Are you moving? What happened? When? Where are you going?” I don’t even remember what question she asked that struck a chord, but something she asked caused my eyes to well up and I had an extremely difficult time containing my tears. Shortly after Husband took the Itty’s in the house for bath time and I sat out side with NL and basically poured out my soul to her. Apparently Husband didn’t take too kindly to this because I got the silent treatment for the rest of the evening.

Then this morning I asked him when he’s supposed to start at the new job and received a one word answer. I asked him, “So are you giving me the silent treatment? Is that what this is?” He responded, “No, I’m talking to You,” and left for work without another word.

On my way to work I had my Come to Jesus moment. Husband and I have been together for 12 years this year. I have been with my current job 2 years this year. This Colorado issue is quite honestly trying to ruin my marriage. Am I willing to give that up for a job? Absolutely not. Do I see myself celebrating a 50^th wedding anniversary? Of course! Do I see myself at this job until retirement? Most probably not.

I’ve decided to just roll with it. Everything happens for a reason, right? Maybe this is supposed to be happening right now and I need to just stop fighting it. MAYBE Husband will find a really good job out in CO and we can afford to have Itty No. 3. All I really know is… I’m not going to let this make me miserable any longer. I love my job, I love my boss, I love my company… but I love Husband more.